


Craig x Tweek is FAKE.

by Kwiyomiboo



Category: South Park
Genre: Just some fluff really, M/M, craigxtweek, creek - Freeform, idk - Freeform, not a lot of content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-15
Updated: 2017-06-15
Packaged: 2018-11-14 15:25:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,683
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11210871
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kwiyomiboo/pseuds/Kwiyomiboo
Summary: Synopsis:You know that whole thing about Tweek x Craig where they're an item and stuff? Yeah? Well...no. It's 100% fake. All that hand holding? Fake. Walking each other to class? All for show. Making out under the bleachers? Academy award winning acting. So there's no way that those little flutters in the pit of Craig Tucker's gut every time his little coffee addict comes around has any significant meaning at all. Duh.





	Craig x Tweek is FAKE.

Craig Tucker has very few things he actually,  _ actually _ cares about in life. A visualized setlist; his disgustingly sugary cosmos cereal, Stripe, his Nikon digital SLR he got one Christmas, and reruns of his favorite childhood show: Red Racer. Presumably, nothing else matters to him more.

Now, scratch all those out and in big red fucked up letters write: 

**Tweek Tweak.**

That's how Craig was feeling lately.

He had hoped after elementary school, the town would get over their completely unreasonable ‘first gay kids’ obsession. Especially since other  _ actually  _ gay kids started making their appearance. But alas, to no such luck, the interest only grew as they got older and donned on the edge of puberty. So here they were, stuck keeping up the facade because they didn't want their poor little Colorado mountain town to lose their faith in ‘true love’ again. Of course. That's all there is to it. The sudden jolts of electricity and the fuzzy blanket that covers their stomach everytime they touch has  _ nothing  _ to do with their 100% fake relationship. At all. Believe me. What are you looking at? It's a complete hoax!

“So, about six thirty you wanna walk to the lake holding hands?” the blue braces wearing teen scheduled as they laid out in his living room. Craig was on the floor, legs propped up while Tweek rested his head on the armrest of a severely ugly couch that Grandma Tucker sent and his mom never had the heart to throw out. This was a common scene, one their parents walked in on many afternoons and didn't even bat an eye at. Even Craig’s father, the big burly kind of guy he was who was wary of pretty boys like Tweek, had eventually opened up his hardened heart and now him and Tweek garden together every weekend. 

“Nggh...I-I guess that's fine…” Tweek responded, eyes glued to his phone as he checked his twitter. He scrolled through some posts tagged ‘creek’—the new ship name the Asian girls had came up with—Tweek thought it sounded stupid, but he digresses. Whatever makes them happy, he guesses. Tapping and retweeting certain ones he liked, he came across some pictures of them holding hands at school and Craig walking him to his chemistry class.

 

‘Craig and Tweek are so cute <3.’

 

‘Relationship goals <3 <3 <3.’

 

‘I wanna see them f***’

 

Tweek winced a bit at the last one. Sitting up he looked down at the blue eyed boy. “Before that, d-do-do you wanna go for some c-c-coffee?” Tweek blinked shaking his empty thermos. He was starting to feel the shivers and once he started he knew it would be hard to stop. 

“Fine with me,” Craig replied apathetically. He flipped over finding it easier to push himself up. Dusting off his stressed pants, he stood to his full height of six foot—pretty tall for a fifteen year old showing no signs of stopping—causing Tweek to pout, and of course Craig didn’t want to kiss that pout away. That would just be gay. And Craig is totally  _ not  _ gay. “What's that look?” Craig asked, actually putting effort into looking concerned or interested, a large feat for a boy so emotionally deprived. 

“You're f-f-freakishly tall!” Tweek cried throwing his hands in the air in defeat before folding them over his chest childishly.  Craig let out a small exhaled smile. Something he found himself doing a lot of whenever a certain blonde boy whose hair resembled a bird's nest was around. 

“Well, that's because I ate my peas and carrots instead of inhaling caffeine every thirty minutes, my dear coffee bean,” Craig paused at the cheesy nickname—another thing Craig didn't usually do—for Tweek to snort.  _ As if Craig Tucker ate vegetables _ . “Tch. Fine, my old man is 6”5 and my old lady is 5”11. Genetics.” now it was Craig’s turn to pout, another tally down under “shit Craig’s didn’t normally do” causing Tweek to chuckle at juvenile display.

“E-exactly.” Tweek stood up, he very wasn't super short but he wasn't very tall and standing next to Craig made his measly 5”6 look like squat. “Shrink.” Tweek muttered pointedly, going to the foyer to bundle up in his jacket, scarf, and earmuffs. He looked at Craig while he stuck his foot out expectedly.

The taller shrugged on his jacket before catching the gaze. “What?” he deadpanned hoping Tweek didn't take it in a bad way.

“Shoe: on.” apparently Tweek took his monotonous response oddly well and instead demanded for Craig to put his ankle boot on for him.  

Now, on any other occasion with literally anyone else in the world (including his favorite best friend, Token) Craig would have offered the person commanding him even to breath a big steaming bowl of ‘go fuck yourself’ while holding his breath. But this was Tweek Tweak. And for some reason Craig Tucker rules don't apply to Tweek Tweak. So, he bent down in unordinary obedience and slipped on the black Peter Pan like boot noticing how small Tweek’s feet were. Not that he really cared. Feet were gross, but feet that belonged to Tweek were simply dainty and cu–nope, Tuckers don’t find things like  _ fucking feet  _ adorable. He pushed the trifling thought away before grabbing one of his cheaper cameras and they left hand in hand as it was midday and lots of people were out and about looking to spot everyone's favorite couple out on a ‘date’. Too bad for them, they don’t know that these so called ‘dates’ were only scheduled meetups designed precisely with help from smoke and mirrors to seem as if they were a real couple. Sorry, Japan, this ship is sinking.

They later grew accustomed to the starring, the whispers, the non inconspicuous pictures, etc. so the small dialogue thrown here and there about just how cute they were really didn't bother them none. Well, at least Craig just kept on walking, a bored expression etched onto his features. Meanwhile, Tweek could hardly keep still. The eyes only added on the pressure. He could feel them sinking into his skin and gnawing at buried feelings he didn't need to think about at the moment. Here he was, his pale cold hand in rough warm ones, he didn't think that this was real. It’s not. Nevertheless, even if there is no one looking, they have to keep their guards up at all times and that's where Tweek knew the lines blurred.

They were polar opposites; Craig and Tweek. The  _ tol _ lanky Peruvian, a man of few words who reviled in silences, it gave him time to think and sort out situations, or more like he always had the Mii Channel theme song playing in his head and talking would literally be pointless when he couldn't even think properly. Meanwhile, the  _ smol  _ blonde caffeine fiend hated the quiet, he needed something to always be going because sitting still was something he still found incredibly hard to do. They seemed from different worlds, Tweek was the freaky jumpy kid and Craig was the indifferent asshole. However, together they found a harmony unlike any other in which Craig would quietly listen in bemusement to all of Tweek’s frankly absurd ramblings about the government, how the cereal companies are trying to kill us, and how the underwear gnomes are pissed because he no longer wears underwear.

“Wait—what?” Craig  _ really  _ wanted to forget he heard that. Craig’s young hormonal teenage mind really needs to forget that statement. Craig didn’t want to have endless sleepless nights and ruined bedsheets because of something like that. He’d rather hang with Stan’s annoying friends. Tweek looked up at him, large bright hazel doey eyes practically piercing Craig’s soul. And no, no those are not butterflies in his stomach. Craig is a Tucker and Tucker's don't  _ do _ butterflies in their stomach. Tucker's trample on cutesy shit like that for fun. 

“I've decided to go commando from now on, it's easier to put on skinny jeans without boxers to get in the way anyway….” But Craig was a shitty Tucker anyway. Not only was his stomach full of those fucking feely bitches he also couldn't stop imagining Tweek fucking naked. 

_ Ctrl+c+ctrl+v into Craig Tucker’s “jerk-off catalogue” _

Shit.

In semblance, Craig was normal, apathetic and monotone but his insides felt like they were on fire and he really just wished he hadn't processed that information. He said nothing in response hoping,  _ praying _ the subject would change. And it did, thankfully, Tweek went on to recall his audition for the school play and how terrible it went. Craig could roll his eyes, Tweek was nothing short of amazing.

The twitchy mess of a boy could be shaking from his toes to the tips of his hair like a regular train wreck, but the moment he steps foot onto a stage—the moment he snaps into his newest role, he's like another person. Craig can't even recount the times he watched Tweek play many characters and always get them spot on. It was just a quirky little thing Tweeks could do. Craigs were the best at being a lazy piece of shit and Tweeks can act their little twink ass off.

Fair trade.

* * *

 

They soon enough made it to the quaint little coffee shop, paint peeling, slow internet connection, just like it always was. It wasn’t anything bad, Craig think it adds character, like how Tweek wrote the menu when he was eight years old and they haven't changed it since. There's still misspellings on half the items, but then again, character. 

“Oh look honey, it’s Craig, hi Craig!” Tweek did roll his eyes at this. His mom floated over a second later, Craig smiled putting on his best ‘parent charming’ face and let Mrs. Tweak fawn over him. He was pretty damn cute if he had to toot his own horn, and Craig loves tooting his own horn.

“Hi mom, dad, I’m good, how are you? Nice to see you care for your only son!” Tweek grumbled while walking past them. They always did this, act like Craig was their son and not Tweek. Craig only chuckled softly as the Tweaks barraged him with questions on what they had planned for today. 

“You say something, sugar?” Tweek’s mom questioned in this way that would put even the least caring of Tuckers to shame. She barely saved a glance for her first and only offspring and continued to fuss over Craig’s (she affectionately calls sweetie because Tweek was sugar and Mr. Tweak was honey) eating habits even after the lanky kid promised he’d been finishing his plates and going for seconds. It’s not his fault his metabolism caused him to look like a huge lanky crack child. But either way Tweek was still pissed off at the blatant ignorance.

“Awh, don’t be sore, Tweekers, my parents do the same to you and I have a sister so you beat out not one but two kids!” Craig offered this piece of advice hoping it cheered Tweek up even just a little bit. The blonde huffed a response as he waited for his coffee to finish brewing. Perk #1 of owning a coffee shop: unlimited free coffee. 

“So, Craig, what do you guys have planned for today?” Mr. Tweak inquired as he finally got back to work, wiping down tables.

“We’re jus’ gonna go hang out at the lake or something,” Craig shrugged dumbly. There wasn’t much to do in a small redneck town like South Park. Other than drugs or make trouble or have sex with Kenny McCormick if you're  _ really  _ bored. Mr. Tweak paused his wax on motion and Mrs. Tweak practically gasped and dropped the tray of cookies she had just pulled from the back oven. Craig loved the smell of freshly baked cookies especially Mrs. Tweak’s, she was a beast in the kitchen. He made a note to grab one before they leave but not until he figures out why the Tweaks were giving him this look like he just stabbed their son then grew a second head.

“F-for your anniversary you’re just going to do that?”

Craig frowned. Anniversary? Was it that time already? He leaned over looking at Tweek who only looked back with the same confusion supported on his high raised shoulders. Craig leaned back and fought the urge to go “what you talkin’ bout, Willis?” opting to leave the witty commentary to someone smooth and funny like Token or Kenny or something. He stood there blinking for longer than needed as two pairs of wide twitchy eyes stared back at him. When Mr. Tucker finally laughed cutting the tension Craig finally let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. Fuck, were the Tweeks a freaky bunch. They scared him more than his old man, and Thomas Tucker was a scary mother fucker. The whole house would rumble when he moved, he commanded respect with every room he walked into. However at the moment, Craig found small, quaint, possibly axe murderer suburban couples like Richard and Rachel, to be just downright terrifying. 

Craig leaned back again looking for help in a boy too uninterested to provide anything other than a slight shoulder shrug. Craig squinted, he was supposed to be the uncaring bastard in this relationship. Who told Tweek to steal his personality? When was the idea of Tweek shrugging off something even plausible? Either way, he promised to get back at the little shit later. A promise that he'd never own up to because Tweek could literally get away with murder with Craig. Literally, Craig’s terrified of the Tweak family’s extensive knowledge of blood stain removal.

“How funny, Craig, surely you planned something bigger for your five year anniversary,” Mr. Tweak paused looking at Craig’s blank expression. He pressed his lips together tightly before giving a side glance to his wife. “I’ll tell you what,” he leaned in for the next part so neither of the other two could here his proposition. “I have free tickets to the movies of anything you want to see  _ and _ I’ll throw in this groupon for a dinner for two in CitiPaTown, hows that sound?” pretty fucking good if you’d ask Craig, who literally had nothing planned out and is still slack jawed at the fact that he and Tweek forgot about their own anniversary. They're usually so good at keeping up with those things. They pride themselves on how well they can carry out this fake relationship and forgetting their anniversary is a sure fire way to outting themselves. Craig graciously accepted with a smile full of metal, licking his bottom lip. 

While the taller was having a conversation with dad, Tweek’s mom had been giving the smaller his own talking-to about their date plans, or lack thereof. Craig kind of wanted to know just what did Mrs. Tweak tell him to get that crimson red color to appear on his cheeks, but Craig had bigger things to worry about. Bigger things like hounding a cookie out of his (fake) boyfriend’s parents. 

Once Tweek was able to get his coffee, he grabbed Craig’s sleeve and lightly tugged pulling the cookie eating boy along and throwing ‘see you laters’ at his ungrateful parents. 

“So which shitty restaurant do you wanna go to?” Craig soon regretted asking that question, it always took Tweek forever and a day to actually make up his mind on something and opening all those options for him made the wait just a bit longer. In the end, Craig chose and they went to Applebee's because, because why not?

….

Craig also had a legitimate reason for picking this particular restaurant and that reason was in a dimpled-taco-loving-brunette with somehow the right amount of chub and muscle to make him look completely charming.

“Oh shit.” Clyde stood in front of Craig’s table his rehearsed friendly greeting faltering on his lips as he finally recognized who he was serving. “What brings you two assholes here?” the blue eyed teen watched as he leaned onto their booth table, napkins crushed menacingly under his weight. 

Craig’s lips split into a wide grin, circling an arm around the other’s waste. “To see you, of course, baby.” Craig teased like he does all his friends. He'd act a little flirtatious but in that voice that made your eyes crinkle a bit from how ludicrous Craig sounded with the low drawl he always spoke in. Tweek was  _ so  _ not jealous. Why would he?  _ Pfft,  _ it doesn't matter who Craig dates it's not like they're dating or anything….totally.

“Cut the bull, cheapskate! I'm not giving you an extra discount! You even have a coupon!” Clyde huffed catching on quickly. 

Craig sucked his teeth. 

“Bitch.”

Tweek watched the exchange between the two best friends and found himself softly laughing (an action Craig totally didn't catch out the corner of his eye) and he lifted the menu to begin the treacherous road to deciding on what to eat. There was too many options, he couldn’t possibly decide. He hated when he orders something and it’s not as good as he thought it was. Or worse, Craig always orders the better food, but he hates sharing! He began to count the multiple possibilities of food choices and how they correlate with the destruction of a small farm somewhere in rural China! He shook with anxiety, it was just too much pressure!!

Before Craig could even get out the question, a shrill girly scream resounded in the small dinnery.

“Craigipoo!” a raspy female voice could be heard practically across the restaurant. She had the overall look of  _ red _ . Her hair, the uniform, even her cherry smelling perfume all held the identity in which she proudly upheld. Tweek set down his menu in favor of greeting the girl. 

Craig also smiled, but this time it was far more genuine.

“Tweakipoo!  _ Oh! _ Are you guys out in a date?” she gasped excitedly and unprofessionally pulled out her phone to snap some pics of the two to put on her social media. It was a instant hit. 

“Hey, goodlookin’ what's cookin’?” Clyde tried to put on on his ‘all the ladies dig me’ front as he slicked back his hair more and showed off more of his dimple. Ladies dug dimples. Red giggled a bit at the dork and even Tweek pretended to be swooned by the optimistically charming boy. Now, whether Craig was jealous because Clyde got the attention of Tweek or the flame in his stomach was because his best friend was actually trying to hook up with Red, Craig didn't know. Scratch that, he didn't care.

Craig decidedly glared and shot the brunette down quickly before he could say anything else. You see, Clyde seldom wore belts, he claimed it gave him belly aches, to which Craig found unbelievably dumb but still all the bit useful. Useful like pantsing your best friend in the middle of Applebee’s while his crush is  _ bouncing _ up to them. Like hell Craig was going to let Clyde date Red.

“Craig you fucking asshole!” Clyde started to wail and made haste to pull his pants trying to desperately hide the shame that was his Power Rangers boxer briefs. Craig and Tweek’s eyes widened at this and they shot each other a look before bursting out into hysterics. 

“Everything okay?” Red just happened to walk in at the end of such a scene with furrowed eyebrows and a tilted head. 

The rest of the night went on as such. Craig harassing Clyde, seriously he wonders why the football player was still friends with him, Red coming behind Clyde to clean up his mistakes, and Tweek finally deciding on what to eat. The traffic started to grow just as the dinner rush was beginning, but it seemed like more people were there to see Tweek and Craig than to actually order off the menu. It was like this everywhere they went. People just found them to be a spectacle to behold and gawk at. 

Red soon came up to their table. 

“I'd hate to do this to you guys, it's probably my fault, I shouldn't have posted those pics online, but can you  _ kindly  _ leave? People are literally ordering bread and water just to get pictures of you two!” she whisper yelled taking a second look back at all the people just staring and armed with cameras to capture any moment they find precious. 

“Y-Yeah...lets go, Craig, it's getting uncomfortable.” Tweek curled into himself. Craig didn't find that endearing at all. The taller ignored the both of them in favor of the plate that sat in front of Tweek. Surprisingly, the tinsy boy was a meat eater. He ordered the traditional steak and potatoes and Craig thought he really had to  _ see  _ this. To his dismay Tweek had only gotten at least two bites out of it. And these weren't normal human bites, these were Tweek bites. Nibbles so small they could barely be classified as proper bites. They should be ashamed of themselves, Craig thought.

“Not till you get at least half way through your food.” Craig interjected their persistence pointing a strict finger at the offensively full plate. Tweek let out a small gastly sigh trying to defer his condition but, there comes a time where a man must put his foot down. Craig decides it's now, Tweek must eat or else he won't eat at all today. And since his parents entrusted him to look out for their only son and the possibility of them  _ being _ axe murders was still out on the table, he made sure that their precious baby boy didn't die of starvation. To which Tweek let out one of those sounds he usually makes that Craig doesn't find adorable before just nodding and taking his medicine like a man. He found it was just easier to go along with Craig rather than pointlessly argue. Because once the dark haired teen made up his mind about something, he stuck with it.

....

“Sw-sweet Jesus, C-Craig! the stares! What if one of them has laser vision and are trying to kill us or sssomeshit—!” Craig’s eyes crinkled at the corners, Tweek could really come up with some laughable predicaments in that tweaky little head of his. But, Craig did agree, the stares were becoming quite much. He turned to everyone and held out a magnificent middle finger, showing it off to the whole restaurant. People ‘ooohed’ and ‘aaaahed’ snapping a few pictures to add to their probably forever growing collection of creek pictures. 

They left Once Craig was satisfied with the number of bites Tweek took. And like the gentleman he is, Craig paid. Of course they didn't leave before alerting their waiter of the fat tip Craig ever so graciously left for him on their table. 

“Thanks man!” the hopeful Hispanic boy never ran faster. Once he made it to the table he saw that OCD Tweek had already stacked their dishes perfectly and wiped down the table. “Thanks Tweek, ya little freaky precious child!” with the table clear it made it easy to find the white envelope that Clyde assumed was his tip. He picked it up. “Hmmm feels a little light….is it a check?” Clyde noticed the chicken scratches on the front that could only belong to a man who didn't care enough to perfect his handwriting. He opened it and pulled out the slip of paper. 

‘Here's a big tip; don't try to date your best friend’s cousin. They got a lot of dirt on you.’ 

“Eep! Clydipoo!”  

Clyde gulped. He swiveled on his heels to see Red gushing over some pic on her phone. Clyde didn't need to see the picture to know that, that  _ asshole _ sent Red a picture of the first time he got high on ecstasy and ended up grinding on and making out with Kevin Stoley. They both woke up regretting the fuck out of it and hoping to never speak of it again. But Craig was the kind of dickcheese that would take a picture of the scene and spread it all around town the first time you pissed him off. 

“I didn't know you were gay!” 

Clyde honestly didn't know why he was still friends with Craig.

* * *

 

The faux couple finally left, making their way to their second destination. Craig only wished he stuck around long enough to witness Clyde’s tears but he relented since it was getting late and he really wanted to take Tweek somewhere special tonight. Not because it was their anniversary, fuck that, Tweek gets special treatment every day of the year anyway. But mostly because he had a surprise and he knew Tweek would really appreciate it. Speaking of jittery fair haired scrawny teens, Tweek was next to him, or rather falling behind him due to his little legs failing to keep up with Craig’s long strides. He fiddling with his phone some more but now he was checking out movie titles. 

“You wanna see Beauty and the Beast?”

Craig snorted.

“How about Fate of the Furious.”

“Hell no.”

“L-Lego Batman?”

Craig stopped. Tweek followed suite. He looked up into Craig’s light eyes, a little scared of what Craig was going to do. He feared that him even bringing up the movie had made Craig snap and the boy was going to ballistic and rip his eye sockets out or he might just implode and Tweek would be arrested for murder. All because he suggested Lego Batman. 

“Pfft. That sounds amazing. Let's go see it.” Craig let out a lazy smile walking forward and taking Tweek’s hand to keep him on the same pace as him. Tweek let out a loud sigh of relief. He lives to see another day. But it  _ could _ have been dangerous! He mused to himself. He knew  _ his _ (he uses lightly) Craig would never hurt him, but what if a Craig doppelgänger came along and was scheming to take Tweek out? Tweek remembers their fight in fourth grade, he doesn't want to feel the pain of Craig’s right hook again! 

The blonde begins to shake violently as his imagination ran wild with all the highly preposterous scenarios that his brain fabricates. He couldn't help it, whenever he runs out of coffee his mind crashes and starts showing upsetting things that he honestly can't differentiate from real life. It stopped instantly when Craig slung an arm around Tweek’s narrow shoulders, helping him calm down. A wave of familiarity and warmth washed over him and he chilled out completely. No shaking, no twitching. Just a moment of stillness. This was a power only one man held, and that man was none other than Craig Tucker. They gave eye contact which conveyed their silent dialogue another super power Craig just decided only best of _friends_ could do. Kinda like Stan and his _boyfriend,_ Kyle. Alternatively, of course _just_ as friends. Since, _you know_ , Craig doesn't want to be Tweek’s boyfriend or anything. Craig asked if Tweek was okay and Tweek gave the affirmative. Once Craig was really sure Tweek was okay, they moved along.

….

Now Craig suddenly remembers why he shouldn't have came to the movies. Of course, fucking Kenny ‘the worst influence’ McCormick was working in the box office. Craig almost frowned but that would show he cared and the key was _not_ caring. It wasn't like Kenny was a sneaky little mind reader who knew when people were in lov–had a soft spot for others. It wasn't like every time they saw him he always held this air of ‘I know something you don’t’ and was just _dying_ for you to ask him about it. Except Craig didn't ask because Kenny didn't know. He doesn't know shit. 

Which is why the look of arrogance he seeped from that annoyingly charming crooked mouth of his only serves to piss Craig off more. 

“Shut up, McWhoremick.”  

“Heeeyyy, I didn't say anything yet!”

_ Yet. _

Craig turned to Tweek, sending him off to the concession stand to get the drinks and popcorn and then turned back to the barely working boy with a lap full of porno mags. He gave Tweek a reassuring “I'll be right in.” before his expression changed and he shot Kenny a defeating glare. Kenny chuckled throwing his hands up in mock surrender. Craig wanted to throw up all over those hands.

“Ey, ey, if looks could kill!” he chortled for a moment. “What movie did you want?” Kenny tried to keep the conversation professional but it only served to make Craig’s eyebrow twitch as he noticed the excited twinkle in the poor boy’s mind.  _ ‘Ask me! I know something you don't know~’  _ taunting through his kitten like smile. 

“Just give me two tickets to ‘Lego Batman’.” Craig snapped.

“Okay so, two tickets to the 8 o'clock showing of ‘IT’,” Kenny printed off the tickets and Craig almost grabbed them but something in his brain jumped and prompted him to give the dirtiest look he could ever muster. Something was wrong. Maybe,  _ just maybe, _ despite his terrible grades in reading and English class, Craig could actually read. And using that knowledge he read the ticket. He then knew that something had to be the way that ‘IT’ didn't equivalent to fucking ‘Lego Batman’ at all. Or maybe it was the fact that Kenny was an asshole. Either way he slid the tickets back under the hole.

_ “What?  _ No. No, Tweek will have nightmares for weeks.” Craig frowned, crossing his arms. “Lego Batman.” he requested simply. 

“Craig, my man,” Kenny leaned back with his eyes smugly closed. His outstretched Cheshire grin and his hands up in the air as he shrugged. “Just think about it. Tweek: scared, jumpy, you: covered in what is only known as third base. I'm just trying to help you man” Craig’s upper lip curled at the perverted eyebrow wiggled that followed. If only the bastard wasn't behind glass.

“Shut up.” Craig snarled, snatching the papers and leaving with a flick of his middle finger. He wasn't trying to get to third base with Tweek but it didn't seem like Kenny was going to change his mind as he was and he kept Tweek waiting long enough. Craig knew the boy would be somewhere thinking a giant metal Barbra Streisand had came out and crushed him. Shaking his head at the wild idea, he walked to the concession stands.

Meeting up with Tweek, he grabbed the large popcorn he was currently spilling everywhere and shuffled him towards the door.  

“Haha, Craig, that's the wrong one, silly!” Tweek’s laughter drowned out into a maddening silence when he realized that they were, in fact, not going the wrong way and he was terribly, terribly wrong. “Craig!” he cried seeing the title of his next nightmare fuel blinking overhead. Craig just silently grabbed his hand and they walked in looking for a seat in the back. “Craig! Craig!” Tweek whispered yelled in his paranoid voice. “What happened to Lego Batman?” 

But his inquiries fell on deaf ears. The taller just stared ahead watching the previews, some interesting movies coming out in the summer maybe he'll bring Tweek back. However, the slight jabs of a boney fingers in his sides made it hard to ignore the frantic blonde. 

“Yes, Tweek?”

“Do-don't ‘yes’ me asswipe!” Craig had to push the mental ‘nice’ he made when Tweek cursed at him and instead paid attention to the threatening tears at the edge of his eyes. His hands twitched.

“I know, I know, but Lego Batman was sold out and this was the only thing left.” Craig lied. There was probably so much room open they could each sprawl out amongst one whole row. But here they were; curled into each other with little to no space wedged in between them. As the movie went on, any jump scares, loud noises, or even deafening silences caused Tweek to surged forward and lodge himself into Craig’s lap. By the middle of the film Tweek was curled onto his thighs and lower pelvis.

Now, Craig wouldn't complain. The small teen felt so light in his arms. And his unbelievably (almost eighth wonder) soft hair only tickled his nose. With just the right amount of cologne and natural coffee scent to make Tweek smell like ‘home’, Craig couldn't complain. Except, the return of those damn feeling fritters that we're now kicking at his liver and making him feel like literal shit for scaring the coffee boy. He just couldn't get the idea of this not being right out of his mind. 

Tweek calmed down as a warm, very soothing hand started to rub distraction circles on his back. He sighed falling limp on Craig’s shoulder and letting the light massage take his mind elsewhere. One thing Tweek loved doing was cuddling with Craig and listening to the slow rhythmic sounds of his heart beat. It was the only thing Tweek could count on being constant. Pressing his ear shamelessly to Craig’s torso he listening intently for the melodic beat of Craig’s heart. He counted every thud, every stutter, he even counted the rate in how fast it was going. Tweek let out a dainty smile, one he'd keep to himself, hidden from Craig’s view. The smell of detergent and a slight hint of left over weed seeped into Tweek’s nose. He sniffed again pressing his face into Craig’s shoulder. 

He smelled like comfort, like safety. Like a warm blanket while a storm brewed outside. Every gentle caress, every soft timid touch, resonated within Tweek’s soul. It was like an anxiety pill but without having to actually take one. Craig made Tweek feel normal. No special treatment, no bullying. Just Craig and Tweek and that’s why Tweek loves being with him so much.

Craig on the other hand was the opposite as always. WIth Tweek everything was new and exciting. However far more normal than Stan and his crew, Tweek still managed to shake up the bubble that was Craig’s life. All the things near and dear to him weren’t as near and dear as he thought. Feelings so taboo and unnerving, Craig wasn’t sure to suppress them or let them ring free. One thing was for certain however, he was NOT in love with Tweek. He thinks.

As the dark haired boy found it harder and harder to pay attention he decided they should just leave. He leaned to whisper softly into the boy who was so comfortable in his lap he felt it a crime to disturb his moment of peace. Tweek sleepily nodded and got up stretching slowly. It was a calm part of the movie and Tweek almost sat back down to enjoy the rest but the hand that ushered him back down the aisle hindered those thoughts from being carried out.

The front door was out of the question that's for sure; wanting to avoid a shitty blonde who would no doubt ask Craig ‘how far he got’ or something. So, the side door it is. Which, Craig realized was perfect because the path it led was the quickest route for where he wanted to go next.  

….

“That was terrifying, Craig! Now, I can't walk on the street! What if Pennywise calls me into the sewers! I weigh, like, 90 pounds he could snatch up in a second!!” Tweek was back to his twitchy self, clutching at his hair and jolting every five seconds. The taller almost paused at the fact that he knew  _ for a fact _ that Tweek was at least 111lbs because he checked yesterday. But that wasn't important right now. Craig dislodged one tiny fist from his blonde hair, prohibiting him from making himself go bald and kept it in his own which ultimately stopped the other from brutally tearing out his scalp. Biting his lip, wide eyes looked to see Craig’s determined and wholefully honest ones. Tweek won't admit he's in love with the icy blue color. Neither will he confess to getting lost into those winter wonderlands every time they make eye contact. 

“I wouldn't let that happen to you.” Craig simply promised. He didn't go on to explain more so because he didn't need to. Tweek understood what that entails, he will protect him, and if he was kidnapped by lonely drainage clowns Craig would jump down in the shit hole and punch that damn clown straight in the jaw. Just the thought alone was enough to make Tweek drop the whole thing. He wiggled around a bit nervously walking close to Craig too afraid to admit his fear of how dark it is and not wanting to be perceived as clingy. Once they made it their final destination Tweek could only drop his jaw in wonder.  

“The old observation deck?” the bird’s nest he called hair blew in the wind as he turned slightly to give Craig a puzzled look. Craig only smirked and walked toward one of the side doors. “But-but isn't it, like, gah! locked?” Tweek was getting nervous, his shaking starting up again. He felt like the CIA were going to come and bust them for trespassing. 

“Don't sweat it, my uncle knows the guy who owns this place,” Craig admitted reassuringly as he pulled out a key and opened the door. “He let me have the key so I can come here pretty much whenever I want,” he held the door open giving Tweek and expectant glance. “After you.” 

Tweek took a few cautious shuffles through the entrance, scanning the old building for anything that could be a threat. Unfortunately, having anxiety makes everything you see preserved as a threat. Craig followed closely behind to keep him calm and showed him to the main deck. 

“Here,” the noirette positioned Tweek in front of the large telescope and went to the controls to fiddle with the settings for a moment. He punched in some coordinates and and fired up the lights to make it easier to see. “Check it out,” he urged and watched in childlike excitement when Tweek took a gander. This was the perfect night to do this. Clear and serene, Tweek could see each and every detail of space. There was a moment of silence and Craig clenching his fist barely able to keep himself in check. It seemingly was taking Tweek a long time to realize. But all fun was quickly shot down when Tweek pulled back and tilted his head, a condescending smirk playing on his lips. 

“I just thought of how cheesy it would be if you had bought me a star of something cliche like that!” Tweek started laughing, holding his stomach as if he was going to bust a gut. Craig looked at him dejectedly. 

“Yeah….” 

The light crinkling of paper could be softly heard making Tweek’s hazel eyes widen even more than they already were.

“Craig? You...you didn’t,” Tweek looked at the boy’s vacant look knowing he was hiding much more than he was letting on. He may look stoic on the outside but not many people know Craig like Tweek knows Craig. Especially when he’s caused the look.

“I think, I think we should head home….” Craig made a move to retreat, turning around and making his way towards the exit. He really thought Tweek would like it, but now he just feels stupid. It wasn’t like him at all to do things like that. What was he thinking? 

“What—oh...oh! Craig wait!” Tweek suddenly felt like the worst asshole. Craig was doing something nice for him and he made fun of it. He lunged forward to grab the boy but tripped and ended up falling forward. 

The thud made Craig respond fast, he got to the ground, picking Tweek up in his arms and placing him on one of the counters. He quickly checked his body for any scrapes or cuts. It was almost laughable at how worry stricken Craig looked for being someone who had no emotions. Tweek laughed making Craig confused further.

“Oh shit, you knocked yourself silly!” he cried out making Tweek snort harder and keel over with laughter. Large warm hands rubbed all over his face examining every piece of scalp he could find in his head.

“cRAI G!! Please, I’m fine! Stop-heehee-stop worrying so much, ya’ dolt!” Tweek almost missed the blush that covered Craig’s face when he realized he was acting just as bad as his mom whenever he would get a scrape from playing with Clyde’s skateboard. He pulled back and stared at the floor feeling very hot at the moment. Tweek sighed and rolled his eyes. “You know, it’s just you and me, you don’t have to worry about keeping up appearances, you have insecurities, big whoop, so do me and everyone else on this planet….actually, I think I have more than the average person, but my point is….that was really sweet of you.” 

Craig rubbed his neck looking up at Tweek with a shy look. “Really, you think so?” he asked hopefully making Tweek almost scream at how cute he was at the moment. 

“Really. That was the most thoughtful thing anyone has done for me,” Tweek smiled. 

“Wait, what about the time I went with you on that six hour bus trip to Denver to get that special ice cream you wanted?” Craig interjected making Tweek roll his eyes at his silliness. He lightly pushed Craig’s chest before hopping off the counter and strolling back to the telescope.

“Actually looking at it again, it shines really bright, what did you name it?”

“I named it after the brightest star I know, Tweek.” Craig answered simply holding out the paper to prove it. Tweek was thankful for the telescope to aid him in hiding his blush. “You’re going to do great in your next play, and I’m going to be there to cheer you on and most likely record everything.”

“You’re so embarrassing.”

* * *

 

After spending the a large part of the night in the comfort of each other’s company, looking at constellations and talking on the roof. Tweek had begun to nod off and they could see the sun rising along with the sweet annoying chirping of birds. 

Craig offered to piggyback Tweek home that the small blonde respectfully declined and Craig rudely ignored. He picked him up whether he liked it or not and carried him all the way home. Tweek started kicking and screaming and ended with holding on tightly and resting his head in the crook of Craig’s nape.

“Here we are your royal highness, your humble abode,” Craig kneeled letting Tweek get down. The blonde let out a short giggle and got off, stretching his legs that fell asleep. They stood right in front of the small, tinsy green house with the red door.  

“Why thank you, my noble servant.” Tweek played along, a smirk growing on his lips. Craig bowed respectfully, making himself smaller than Tweek leaving the top of his head exposed to be petted by the coffee addict. “Thanks, today was the best fake anniversary a guy like me could ever have.”

“Ah, ah, ah, none of this ‘a guy like me’, you deserve the world, Tweek,” Craig spoke seriously not knowing why it mattered so much how Tweek viewed himself. He usually wouldn’t care if it was anyone else but like any other pattern in his life; Tweek didn’t count. He was special. He was special to Craig whether the taller knew it or not.

“You’re sweet, Craig.”

“Don’t forget hot.”

“Don’t ruin it.” Tweek bit his lip trying (and failing) to hide the smile that showed he was absolutely charmed.

“Okay….” Craig grinned awkwardly for a moment. They rocked back and forth for a long time, not sure what to say next. Clearly they should say their goodbyes and Craig should head home, but the reluctance was evident in the way Tweek’s hand rested on the door and refused to open it. 

Finally, he summoned up enough will to push open the bright door before turned slighting to face his fake boyfriend going on five years. Craig smiled softly nodding towards the door to let him know that he’ll leave once Tweek is safely inside. The blonde was appreciative of that.

He waved before finally going inside and closing the door very slowly. Craig stood there for a moment. He didn’t know why he was feeling empty. Like he forgot to do something. Maybe he should’ve stayed longer and messed with Clyde more. Or maybe he should’ve tried to get Kenny fired. Either way he felt kind of unfulfilled.  

He can’t recall feeling this way when he picks up a camera. Or when it's 10 a.m. Saturday and he's still in pajamas watching Red Racer eating Cosmos cereal like he’s still eight. It was a void feeling that left him with a strange hunger that seemingly nothing could quench. 

Just as Craig was lost in thought, the door swung open with such ferocity, Craig was stunned and didn’t know what hit him when he felt the softest pair of lips crash against his own. The moment lasted all of three seconds but felt like a lifetime. It was like time slowed down, all of his nerves located to that one part of his body. The gentle and warm brush of lips that sent shock waves through his body was soon over as their lips disconnected. He looked at Tweek’s eyes flutter open as he dropped back down from his tippy-toes and let go of his shirt. Small hands ironing out the wrinkles they created.

“Thanks again, (fake) boyfriend.” Tweek smiled cheekily before slamming the door and by the sounds of it scrambling up the stairs to die of embarrassment.

Craig took a moment to process what just happened before he cracked a huge smile and walked home in a chipper mood.

 

There was very few items Craig found dear, but the one thing he cherished the most was Tweek, his totally fake boyfriend.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> AAAHHHHHHHHHHH
> 
> This took me ages to write and Idky I've been losing motivation to write fics lately :/ Its like I want to write and I get good ideas but when it comes time to do that I always end up doing something else instead. Do any of you have that problem?? Where can I borrow motivation??? ugh.


End file.
